Am I ?...

Am I a control freak? No, really, is that how I am viewed. I have made some comments of late to my little Grasshopper(cousin) on her blog and the CouncilChambers. I realize that I am trying to guide her to not be hurt by the shit that happens to all of us in this world. I find myself not wanting to see her hurt, so I want to steel her from it.

She posted a friend of her's post from some blog somewhere. In the comments I find myself pointing out that everything that can be controlled should be. The point of fact is that the only thing we can control as people are ourselves. I try to ex[;ain this and seem only to be sparking an argument.

Chanda, I respect you as a young woman, that does not mean I like you in any way sexually or that I am attracted to you. I just respect you. That being said, let me say this. If you find yourself liking some guy who is not worthy of your affection, then either let him know that you feel something but he is not worthy, or you can give in and be his toy. Now understand that a toy has more power over the master than most ever realize. If you just feel the need to be comforted and held, make that the only way he can get close to you physically. This is all of course if you decide to go down this path. Let the guy know that you have your sights set on him, and bring home your prize, just be prepared for whatever comes with it. The heartache and the pain, that goes along with the joy and sense of belonging, and being cared for. It is part and parcel for the course of human relationships, someone is always hurt in the end. But that is not a reason to ever run from it. Embrace it all, and live a great life. Enjoy it all, and live you life to the full.

To Grasshopper, I do not mean to ever truly guide you, just kinda point you in the right direction. If that is something that you feel is invasive, I truly do apologize from the bottom of my soul. I just don't ever want to have to see you in tears over a guy. I view someone being able to effect your emotions, they have control over you. I refuse to give anyone control over myself to anyone being. Yes, on occasions, other can inadvertently effect my emotions, but give them control, never. I live an easier and drama free life because of it. I now have weird situations like women staying around or moving here then away from St. Louis because I don't ever give up control over me. It is not a way of life for everyone, so you must find your own path. I will always be there to point you in the right direction. But as always, I want you to take that as a guideline, not a strict regimen for your life. Again, I sincerely apologize to you Grasshopper and to you Chanda, so live your lives the way you feel you must.

Peace
Q

Everyone will fall, but it is up too them how they fall.

Decisions

Why is it that I am always the one people want to be the bigger and better person? I am only human, I know my limitations though I will always strive to overcome them? Of late, a friend has told me that I should try to convince someone to stay. Question to all my friends out there who read my blog, have I ever tried to talk you out of anything except suicide for the fellas, and you panties(thongs, tongas, briefs, boxers, biking shorts, skirts, pants, you get the idea) for the ladies? We are all grown ass people, so why is it up to me to alleviate somebody's conscience, and make a decision easier for them? If you want to go, go. If you want to stay, stay. The consequences of your actions you will just have to live with.

As an aside, the dictionary definition of consequences is; Main Entry: con·se·quence Pronunciation: 'kän(t)-s&-"kwen(t)s, -si-kw&n(t)sFunction: noun1 : a conclusion derived through logic : INFERENCE 2 : something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions 3 a : importance with respect to power to produce an effect : MOMENT b : social importance 4 : the appearance of importance; especially : SELF-IMPORTANCEsynonym see IMPORTANCE- in consequence : as a result : CONSEQUENTLY

That is by the inference of this definition ( thank you Merriam-Webster) simply the results of any action you take. Whatever they are, you must accept them. That being said, Go with GOD.
To all who believe that I am being silly, tough. Those who do know me best will tell you that I am being only what I am. Disclaimer:Now what they think of it is another matter. I am not a whiner, I am not a beggar, nor will I ever plead for someone to see reason. I will debate till the death, reason; in a debate, you have to weigh the pros and cons, take everything into perspective, and if you don't agree with the other side after all is said and done, you don't have to. That is why I love debating ie: trying to get Quill to accept the Three-Edged Sword theorem. He has accepted the parts of it that he can, and left the rest for the birds. That is debating, he even has referrenced it to me recently. Yeah me, or us since I was not alone in trying to convince him of this simple universal truth. even if worded differently, it is still the same concept.

Now I have written all that to say this, I never turn my back on my friends, no matter what wrongs they have done. I will accept them and forgive them. I am always (for some reason) here,right here in St. Louis. If you ever want to reach me, simply try, and it can be achieved simply enough.

On that note, I am out of here. Need to e-mail some friends on this update of events.

A comment To A Brother

Yeah Scott (Spawn,) I know, but there is always hope. I still hope for a lot of things. Some just seem never to be able to happen. And I am not afraid to use my name. I love my Deadpool pseudonym! And almost everybody in BJ knows who that is and it's connection to me. For me it is a way to remember the Three-Day party and the late night runs to White Castles. The movies and videos that we made or shared with those of us who could not be present. There was the crash outs at Quill's and his Mom making us all eat and take vitamins in the morning. I loved that shit, and miss it. Yeah we have all grown up, but it is the growing apart that rankles me the most. Sometimes it happens, the end, and sometimes friendships do last forever. That is all I want. No more fighting, more listening instead of snap judgments about words that if looked at as a joke might actually make more sense. I have always accepted everybody, for who they are whether I know them completely or not. Read an old post on the Council from August, it is about Shark and Dave. They were both going through a rough time and felt all alone. I wanted to end that. We have all known each other, no matter how distant or through whom, for a long time. We have seen people lose family members and try to be there for them, seen our friends fall in and out of love. Got Married, got divorced, try again, find new hopes and new leases on life like Quill and his school/job tribulation. Spawn, even with you out of town a lot, we still try to call you, I still send you jokes through the e-mail. The worldwide acceptance of better technology has made it easier for us to stay in touch. So why don't we huh? Just try that; remember the past, both the good and the bad. Then ask yourselves, weren't you happier then, knowing that you had a gaggle of people behind you to catch you if you fall, or lift you up when you Succeeded. People you knew had your back against the world even if they were mad at you. Your friends.

Do you guys remember those times...?

"What Has Become of My Beautiful Idea" or "You Know What, Fuck the World"

This is my gripe session. And anybody who wants to take offense, can!

I wanted to creat a place where me and my friends and family can come together despite distance and time zone differences. I have friends away at school. Ones who have moved out of state. Some just plain hard to catch at home across this great nation. I have friends and family that are at war in another country. Some just away for business internationally. I just wanted place where I can introduce many aspects of my life, and get us all talk about ourselves. That means our interests, dislike, the trails, tribulations, and shit that has and is happening to us. What I get instead is one group rallying against the other instead of them become one great coalition of friends. What kind of shit is that. How can the people who know my and get along with me the best not get along and get to know each other. Thus is some major bullshit I tell you. I get together in one room some of the brightest and most insightful minds and well mannered people I know to start with, and I get nothing but a world of Drama most of the time. What The Fuck! Where did it go wrong, I don't know. I think it because I want so much to see people I care about start to understand each other. It seems that all I get is people starting to back bite and hate on each other. This is not high school and none of us have been in high school for a lonmg time. Even when we were in high school we didn't play these Games. I say games only as a generic terms. We are politicing and pigeonholing the most important thing to me. My Family! We are not the fucking United States Senate, where this kind of thing is normal. Have you guys not noticed that the only thing you all have in common on the Council is me. ME! And I am not happy with anyone right now. I am terribly disappointed in almost all of you. To think, I wanted this to be a start to a Club similar to Bug Juice, a place where we can rekindle dead, dying, or just defunct by asbsentia friendships. The Question seemed to understand that idea, little good that did since I was the one to fuck that up. Not alone, but I dropped one hell of a hammer on things.

So in closing, I quit. Do what ever the hell you want, just count me out until you guys grow up and look at the bigger picture of a world devided by six degrees of seperation, and understand that all I wanted was to cut out some of the fucking degrees!